Why I need snow days.

It wasn't a brain freeze on this frigid day. But staying in my jammies til noon with my kids all around. I need snow days to be a stay-at-home mom. That was my child-hood dream and I enjoyed it for 8 years. I miss it like crazy.

The nights of bad forcasts, I lurk on the weather websites and pester the school closing list.  I'm totally torn between needing routine of school and work, and staying home and not doing a blessed thing. 

Our last snow day had a tantrum-meltdown-defiant hour. Much more than a moment. In the middle of it, I swore off future snow days. Go to school and take your attitude with you.  And I'll take mine with me.  We endured the uncomfortable aftermath, sat in it, soaked in it, loved in it.  I stayed in it with this child til it passed.  By evening, we played Settlers of Catan, hard core. And my matra continued, don't gain up on each other, put the robber on less likely numbers to get rolled, let's be fun.  When I tucked the previously defiant child in for bed, I received a hug with unexpected warmth.  A friend with similar family dynamics and I prayed for each other through out the day and God answered. It felt like a victory. I had courage to keep going.

Two nights later, I'm stalking the same websites. Glad I have no control of the God of all weather and storms, even wind chills.  This morning, another snow day.  Was it going to be a replay of our last day?

Nope.

Thank Goodness.

I read the story of Mary learning she would be the mother of Jesus, Elizabeth pregnant with John. Each rejoicing, wondering how this could be.  And I realized that Snow Days are God's gift to me. A free day with no plans, no agendas, no expectations. A day to be a stay at home mom again. If serious parenting needs to happen, I have time! A scare commodity. And energy, which runs low in the evenings.  And creativity, after being in the word.

A snow day is a day to let my heart turn and remain towards my kids for the whole day. 

Pride? Entitlement? Camp?

Summer Camps.

Last summer my kids were asked by friends if they were going to camp. But it was too soon after our move. And none of us wanted to go anywhere. So we deferred for a year.

And then Levi's friend asked if Levi would be his bunk mate.  Levi was over the moon with excitement.  So we figured out dates, no small feat to work around 2 families summer plans.  And he is going towards the end of summer. The anticipation is going to do him in.  Love It.

Two of my other three also want to go. Emails and messages went out to mom's of their BFFs.  More dates picked out, summer is filling up.  I'm excited my kids are going to Camp Geneva. I'm excited to have fewer at home those weeks.

But I need to apply for scholarships. And I need to go to the church we are regularly attending and ask for a church voucher. Cause it's not in the budget. And that's hard.

On the camp registration, I had about 100 characters to explain my financial picture.  It went something like,  "Young Widow with 4 kids. 3 want to have a camp experience. And I want them to have strong memories of spiritual milestones on their journey."

And I could add more info about Seth so I wrote "Seth grew up as a missionary kids in Kenya. My husband died when Seth was 4. And he needs positive experiences to strength his faith."

That was hard, that was me being vulnerable in a few words. That was me trying not to be dramatic about a traumatic situation. 

And I'm applying for scholarships and still proud.  Even if it's humbling.

And I'm not defensive about my budget. You won't see us at restaurants, cause we aren't there, (maybe you aren't either). We go to the movies as birthday treats or Christmas presents.  I shop at Aldi's and love their fruit and gf foods.  And I am a bit defensive about how I spend money.  Cause I had to give an honest reason for why we need finaincial aid for Camp.  Camp that I think is reasonably priced.  But still.

And I don't think my kids are entitled to a camp experience.  No one owes us a scholarship.  We haven't done anything to deserve a church voucher.  I'm waiting to see what happens. Moving forward. I'd rather ask, than not even try. Ask, Ask, Ask.  It's in God's word. He's given me the green light to fill out the applications. I obeyed. And now I can peacefully wait.

Please don't send me money.  This is about my feelings. And God's faithfulness. And my vulnerability. 

How To Begin

2015 is my year to share of God's faithfulness.  On My Wall. 

Last year I was in the trenches, bringing my fragmented family through a serious transition.

Two years ago, I worked too many hours on-call evenings, nights, and weekends. And burnt my kids out.  I loved my job, but it wasn't good for my family.  God tenderly led me through the tough decision to let go of all that we owned and understood in Kenya.  We moved back to the states for the last time, with no plans to return.  Another big good-bye after too many far-wells since Ryan died.

Hence, 2014 was about re-grouping, steadying ourselves, finding another new normal.

I've chatted with many friends who've made this transition before us and most shared that it took a good two years until their passport country felt like home.  A passport country is where a missionaries passport is issued. For us, it's the states but could be Korea, Brazil, or Canada.  Our actual country is which ever one we were living in at the time.  Home feels like a combination of the two, neither feels totally comfortable.  

In which case, we are 1/2 way through our two year transition. And things, attitudes, adjustments are getting better.

And God is challenging me to share about his faithfulness this year. And that is the purpose of this blog. 

If you want to check out my blog from my time in Africa. Click here.