Jesus

I don't get Jesus.  I've worked through how God is my Father. And the Holy Spirit is my counselor.  I understand these two thirds of the Trinity in my head and my heart.  It's taken time, surrender, and suffering to flesh out my hang-ups. But worth it.

But I don't get how to relate to Jesus.  He's God become man. He's my Savior.  I understand a lot about Jesus in my head and he lives in my heart. But my heart needs to more fully surrender to the Jesus part of the Trinity.

Since I love Bible Studies, I ordered Jesus: 90 Days with the One and Only by Beth Moore.  I've worked through her studies on John and David.  It's a good fit for me.

Mary's pregnancy and Jesus birth came more alive.  Him as a boy is something I could picture as my own boys are that age.  The 40 days in the desert followed by temptation, I could relate to as a human.  But as he gets into his ministry, I found myself only in my head again.  And I left my heart out of the equation.

I'm praying that he will become more real as a person in my heart. That I'll be challenged to rid myself of what is not true about Jesus as a human. And for him to enter into my heart places that I have not surrendered to him.

A couple of years ago, I surrendered my anxieties to him.  And he didn't take them away. He put me in more situations where I feel anxious, forcing me to dig out and sift through where the roots of my anxieties live.  I didn't like it. But it was worth it.

Last night I realized I need to work through another heart issue.  Ugh.  I told him to do whatever it takes to work through this negative feeling.  I surrendered knowing it's going to get worse for a long time before it gets better.  Double Ugh.

And Jesus will be far more real in my heart than he was before.