My Barn

This Barn is important but I don't know why. I passed it on my way home from lunch with a friend and I felt like turning in to get a closer look. But the practical side of me kept driving.   A quarter of a mile down the road, I felt it again. "Get a closer look, turn around, go back." Only I wasn't hearing it in my head but feeling it in my heart. A moving, a bubble of hope growing.

The free spirit in me, turned the car around.

And as I drove back, I'm arguing with myself, but also hopeful. What is it I need to see?

Driving up, I felt silly and excited. God kept giving me words. "Big, Bigger, Bigger than you can imagine."  And the bubble popped in my heart.  Hope surged.

This Barn with a capital B, was Big.  No house is on the lot and it's surrounded by old trees.  Let me rephrase, it's surrounded by mature trees.  It had a weathered look and yet the boards were neatly painted with what can only be described as 'barn red'.  The driveway was hard to find but the grass wasn't all long and pushed over.  But neatly trimmed without lawnmower marks.  Shingles covered the roof, unlike old barns that have been neglected and have big patches or holes in their roofs.  One door was covered with ivy and another looked like it could be easily opened.

It was weird.

The Barn was set on a hill, overlooking fields.  The setting felt secure but also wild as the wind blew on this sunny, cold day. 

What does it mean?

This year, I started praying for my future husband.  I did this in my 20's. Whenever I wondered if I'd ever marry, instead of feeling discouraged, I prayed for him. It gave me a sense of power, that I was doing something, talking to God about my future. Not knowing how he would answer such a prayer.  And just because he answered so big the first time does not mean this is a recipe for a second time.  But the peace I feel after I pray for this man, is real. God hears me and I'm ok.

What will he be like?  Big, Bigger than life.  Secure but wild.   Handsome, in a weathered sort of way.  Parts of his heart are scarred but he's still able to open up his heart to the right person.

I can stand in the shadow of this barn and see the future.  Or I can let the sun shine over and feel it's warmth.

And it had a silo around the corner, reminding me of provision. 

This still feels crazy but I'm hanging these pictures and this post on my wall to remind me.  Someday I hope it makes more sense.